I don't have a plethora of black friends and this was not a conscious decision. It's just happened to work out that way. I'm not complaining about it but sometimes I think it would be nice to have more black friends. Then again I have a very low tolerance for bullshit and black people tend to bring that in by the bucketfuls. I have about three or four black people I talk to and chill with regularly. They aren't your typical black men and women who have constructed themselves into an image that mirrors what our black media tells them they should be. My friends are more varied and they themselves are also disgusted by how some blackened individuals carry themselves. Again because the idea of what blackness can be is so narrow that leaves a lot of people who don't fit into the lines to draw some of their own.
A huge reason why I don't fit into these lines is because of my homosexuality and my Atheism. I've tried not to let the other topics bleed over into one another on this blog. But for the purpose of this post I will make a rare exception. Me being gay does not gel with most black men and me being an Atheist doesn't gel with damn near any black people. However I've found that when you ask a lot of young black men my age they tend to be on the outs with religion. They are unpronounced Agnostics. Their idea of God is very broad and of course they call themselves Christians it's mostly because that's what they were taught to call themselves. Whether or not they actually follow any that shit is another topic I will get into later. But getting back on point, whenever I met a new black man I am scared. I am wondering how long will it be before he finds out I'm gay and either stops talking to me or tries to attack me. I know in theory it's wrong to think that way but think of where I'm living at. Progressive thinking is not on que here. Most folks here still think 'Birth of a Nation' was a romantic comedy.
For this reason I don't really associate with most other black men. They are way too caught up in maintaining their image of masculinity to ever let someone different expand their worldview. I have met a few who were cool. The recent statement of rappers openly slamming homophobia in Hip Hop is showing me black men are slowly turning the tide on this issue. Black women for the most part either don't give a shit or blame us for taking their men. Luckily most of my black female friends are not that stupid. They'd rather more men come out of the closet because that's less drama they have to deal with. But most of them date interacially anyway. This is another hang up the black community has that I do not.
I date almost exclusively white men. Will I let a black guy fuck me? Fuck yeah. Will I date his ass? Probably not. I'm just not attracted to them enough nor do I have time to sift through the 98% percent of the closeted motherfuckers to find that one open 2% percent. I like masculine men and yes although there are some gay black masculine men most of them are closeted, down low or 'bisexual'. I'm not saying bisexuals don't exist but I'm saying that these sons of bitches ain't bi. Of course I get some black guys mad at me cause they do wanna fuck and cuff me. It ain't happening homeboy. It's a mental thing I can't get over and probably won't. But hey that doesn't mean I'm going to down black men and say how much they ain't shit. I can think it if I want to but I'm not stressing them. I'm focused on my white knight too much to focus on whatever black guys are doing. I wish black men who date white women exclusively would give black women the same courtesy.
That said I don't like the in fighting in the black community at all. It makes no sense. We're all niggas. If push came to shove and they said they are reenslaving our asses we'd all be going down the drain in varying shades of brown. All this dark skin vs. light skin bullshit that's been going on for the past fucking eternity is getting old. There are times when I think 'oh we've turned the corner on this' and then I listen to a Lil Wayne song or look at a centerfold in a black men's magazine and I remember we haven't. The homophobia in our community makes no damn sense. Our men are so caught up in maintaining an image of masculinity that A) doesn't exist anymore and B) didn't do us any good when it did. That said I'd love it if more black men came out of the closet. It might not happen for a while but you never know. I'd love to see more lesbian and gay couples of color tying the knot and starting families because we appear to be the only ones who want to in our community.
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