The past week has been trying to put it nicely and fucking shitty to put it not so nicely. I called got in touch with Ben's ex boyfriend Kenny last Friday and I asked him for some of Ben's stuff that he had at his apartment. It turns out that he had gave everything to Ben's baby momma and I've already gone into how I keep my interactions with her severely limited. So Kenny and I get to seriously talking and he tells me some things about my boyfriend I did not know and if I had not called him would of never known. Here's what I learned in order of how much it bothered me at the time:
1) HE STILL LIKES WOMEN!
2) He has schizophrenia
3) He's abusive but in his defense that's when he's drunk. When he's sober he's alright on meds or off
4) He's on some serious medication
5) He's slept with men for money inculding to bond himself out of jail before
6) He may be partially racist because he's made some not so nice gestures to people of color in the past
7) He and his ex bf were engaged AFTER FOUR FUCKING MONTHS!
8) He may be having another baby but that might just be one of his baby Momma's friends fucking with us again. One of them has done this before but it begs the question of whether or not he's still into women. Apparently he's at least bisexual.
So after having this eye opening talk with Ken I was swiftly falling out of love and that's a very good thing because otherwise what happened next would of seriously devastated me. So Monday I ride down to the jail and I speak to him and a few minutes in his says he doesn't wanna lead me on anymore and that he doesn't think this is gonna work and that we should just be friends. I was very cool with that because at this point I was just kinda done but we said we'd pick up where we left off when he got out whenever that was. I asked him about everything Kenny told me and Ben said he was lying and that he was probably just trying to get me mad.
I was inclined to believe Ben because some things didn't add up but it didn't matter as much since at that point we would just be friends with emotional benefits. He had to leave early and so I started going home. Then Ken called me and asked me how it went I told him that it was relatively fine and that Ben and I were going to just be friends. Kenny saw the obvious flaw in this plan and sent me a picture of a letter Ben wrote to one of his friends, Kenny's neighbor. He then read it for me. What comes next is the nightmare of every black person who dates interracially:
" And yeah Sarah so some dumb nigger has been going around town saying that he is with me. Haha everyone knows that's not who I am or what I'm about" --Asshole I Called Myself in Love With
I wanted go vomit. Needless to say I think he should go fuck himself with the rustiest of spoons. So tomorrow I'm going down to the jail to tell him I'm done with his ass forever but not before I give him a chance to make a plea for his nuts. I can't believe I misjudged the fuck outta this one. I'm done with men for a very, very, very, very, long time.
I may become a lesbian.