Sunday, July 7, 2013

Femininity Unchained


   Let me just straight up I have no issues with feminine gays being a feminine gay myself. Well actually I do have a problem with feminine gays. My problem is that whether it's forced or natural (and I deplore anything forced) is that they never come off strong enough. This is more so my issue with the media and their depictions than ones in real life. First let me give you my definition of strength. Strength and being a strong person is not a physical thing, it can be, but moreso it refers to someone's character and moral integrity and how well they as a person can embrace who they are and handle the world around them.

So getting back to my issue with femmy gays in the media is that they really come off as strong characters. They're 'fierce' which I guess means being bitchy and shallow and vapid and then calling it being 'strong'. No dears you've got it twisted. And despite the above gif I have no issue with gay men who refer to themselves as women or act like women because I believe gender roles are fluid and ever changing for some people. I used to be more masculine (if you can call it that) for a while until I realized I was gay and felt more free to embrace the other more true and natural side of my personality. For a while I thought embracing this meant being some sort of fashonista bitch. Hell I still am a fashionista bitch to a point but I've also realized that another side of my personality is a perfectionist who is empathetic and sees the beauty in everyone's flaws and dents and cracks and wants to make them the best flaws possible. I know that sounds weird and I'll explain it in another post.

But my point is that as I grew up I discovered yes I relate more to a female gender role despite being male but what women do I admire? And am I trying to emulate something I am not? In a way my behavior was forced because I was rebelling against the masculinity that was forced upon me by my father. But after a while I realized there had to be something deeper to me. Am I just one of those people who happens to be gay? Yes and no. First off that phrase bothers me because it implies that being gay is a 'thing'. Like you have to try and separate yourself from the herd because you don't want people thinking 'oh you're one of them'. The phrase 'happens to be gay' to me implies that your sexuality is just a blip or a mistake and in a way you're apologizing for it. Never apologize for you are. If you're a transgender drag king bisexual nudist go go dancer be proud.

But at the same time although my sexuality is very ingrained in who I am I won't lie and say that it's all there is to me. I feel a bit of shame typing that last statement because I feel like I am back peddling a bit and trying to downplay my sexuality. I'm not but think of it like this. My sexuality is like a foundation and then upon that is the studs and support beams like my ethnicity, my religion, my political beliefs, etc. All of those are massively affected by my homosexuality however they exist outside of who I sleep with. There are plenty of political and religious beliefs I hold that have little to nothing to do with the fact I can suck a dick so good it'll make the guy behind him cum. At the same time none of these tenets of my being exist within vacuum. Though not build upon one another they are parallel to one another and are brothers and sisters in the family that is the philosophy of me.

  So getting back to what I was saying earlier about feminine gay men not being strong enough. Look ladies we don't have to be toned athletic gym bunnies who are constantly looking for where we can get our next tattoo and piercing or twinkish fashionistas who are always criticizing people's outfits in public, even people we don't know. I mean we can be that don't think I'm saying don't be that. But I am saying be that and more. Now this applies to everybody: there is never a wrong time to look into yourself and become introspective. I've done it and I've found out a lot about myself. Not all of it related to my sexuality but some of it did. Be a femmy queen but be one of strong moral character who can be someone others can look at and say 'damn that dude is tough'. Don't be afraid to be the person who people don't like sometimes because you always tell the truth. Shy away not from being the moral compass to the world around you. Trudge fearlessly into the abyss that is our current society and do not hold back when it comes to being someone who will not be trounced upon.

Be you, be strong.

And yes that does sound like a slogan for a women's deodorant.

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